An introduction to my mindful unemployment experiment

When LinkedIn told me they were laying me off, I was fine at first. Since I was already suffering symptoms of burnout, I knew right away this could be a great opportunity for rest and recovery. To me, this layoff was the gift of unlimited time - to focus on my health, learn new skills, see a bit of the world. So far, my experience has reflected this. Since leaving:

On paper, everything has gone according to plan.

But as my summer of travel approaches its end, I'm having big feelings about returning to the job market. You see, I didn't just get laid off; I got laid off in one of the worst job markets for software engineers. Since the start of the tech winter, over 835,000 tech workers have been laid off. At the same time, AI threatens the future of software engineering. After all, if an engineer with an LLM can now do the work of five, what is the point of keeping around so many? For me, the state of the industry has sparked feelings of anxiety and dread. The voice in the deep, dark corner of my mind wonders:

Despite these feelings, however, I discovered something else about myself: underneath the fear of change and uncertainty for the future, I have an endless store of optimism and excitement. This discovery happened at a weeklong meditation retreat I attended in August. Here, my fellow retreatants and I turned off our technology and spent days in silence. This meant no talking, no eye contact, no reading, no writing. No consumption of Is software engineering dead? articles and hot takes on social media. Through this silence, I realized fear was keeping my world small. But if I could learn to manage my fear skillfully, perhaps this time of transition could be a period of joy and growth.

So I posed a question -

Can a dedicated mindfulness practice transform my anxiety toward the job market into something more productive? And is this something I can measure?

And herein lies the core of my experiment:

From now until I get hired, I will meditate for at least 45 minutes and measure my attitude towards 1) the tech industry, 2) the process of finding a new job, and 3) the future of my career. These measurements will be on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 meaning very negative and 10 meaning very positive. I'll also collect thoughts and feelings that bubble up throughout the week, and summarize them into weekly check-ins. When I'm hired in my next role, I'll gather, summarize, and analyze the data, reporting what sort of impact a mindfulness practice had on my hiring journey, if any.

I'm hoping this experiment will uncover my most adventurous, and curious self. Meaning, in spite of anxieties, I hope I can train my brain to focus on positive aspects of the job market, and even create new opportunities an otherwise stress-addled brain would miss. At the same time, I am keeping expectations realistic. I've had my own meditation practice off and on for about 12 years and, well, here I am - with the same fears and anxieties that inspired this experiment. From experience, I know meditation is not a magic pill that will solve all my problems. What's different this time, however, is my level of commitment; I just started a two-year mindfulness teacher-training program where I'll be required to maintain a strong meditation practice along with taking a mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) practicum. So while meditation won't solve all my problems, I'm hoping this intensified version of my practice will create the space I need to solve problems without the baggage of stress and anxiety.

Some research also seems to support my optimism. From Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard University, research has shown mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) training led to a thickening of brain regions responsible for learning, memory, and emotional regulation, as well as a thinning of the amygdala, which is responsible for evaluating and responding to perceived threats. More research from the University of Wisconsin showed MBSR helped participants handle anxiety and frustration more effectively, which was reflected in electrical activity in the brain. This suggests a strong meditation practice, like MBSR, can be an effective tool for reducing stress and anxiety. My hope is that this reduction of stress will also allow me to view my career and future more objectively, and even provide room for curiosity and optimism.

In addition to possibly helping my career, I hope the experiment helps others dealing with their own transitions. I know I'm not the only one dealing with a layoff or wondering what the future of work will look like. I hope future findings provide useful insight into how we can navigate this new world of uncertainty.